Where one
side I can see the sun rising, the other side my drowning hopes are eating me
up. Everything has become hazy. I can’t see where my life is taking me to. I feel
like being killed and I am actually finished. The only reason for which I was
living is finished and I can’t see anything to bring it back to life. I don’t
know what my destiny is doing with me. I don’t know for what reason the revenge
is being taken out of me. I don’t know why on the earth the bad things only
target me. Maybe I am not so knowledgeable enough to understand the truth or
maybe these things do not have any answers at all.
I spent
complete 6 years lamenting, craving, dying, shedding million drops of tears
each day. But is there anybody who has the answers of my tears? Is there
anybody who would come and say, “get up champ! Life has got something better
for you”? No. Nobody is there. And even if some people know the answer, they
don’t bother to come and tell. And why should they come? They are busy doing
good to others na… they don’t care whether I am shedding tears or smiling. They
don’t care if something good is actually happening to me or not. They are just
busy doing good to others, making them smile, not harming their level of
comfort. But what about me? Am I not a part of this world? Perhaps no. life has
chosen me to suffer all the pain, all sorts of tortures.
At times,
I wonder if I actually have something, which I should be proud of. But as far as
I know, there’s nothing I possess. Seriously nothing.
I spent
many years praying, writing letters, sharing my emotions to that invisible
power, hoping that someday… someday I’ll achieve my dreams. But now after I got
to know the present situation, I can assure you that the invisible power doesn’t
listen to everybody. There are just a few selected people to whom he listens. And
that list perhaps doesn’t change for the people like me.
Now, I am
here… separated from the whole world, seeing my dreams shattered, my ambitions
murdered along with me. Yet I cannot do anything but just see.
