Aimless

He gets up early in the morning with mind full of hopes. He is determined to rule the world. How? That he doesn't know. He wears the same smile on his face, he had worn yesterday. In fact, he wears it everyday.

He follows the same path, goes through same garden, sees the same children playing, each day. But, he never realizes.

     For him, things are totally different for different times. He thinks that people tend to change every twenty-four hours. He expects acceptance from those men who kicked him yesterday and... daily.

He desires success from the same place which embraces him with failure everytime he approaches it.

He believes that his talents are being unseen. Still, he knows that one day, people will recognize him, will respect him. But, is just not ready to accept that he has no talents. He is useless, as usual. And people hate him for being a crazy, self- obssessed man.

     At night, he is seen sad, talks to himself, cries in front of the mirror, is agitated as his exact personality couldn't do anything. He decides to give up. He knows, he will.

But, as the sun rises, a strong aroma of freshness surrounds him. It makes him forget his past and try again.

Randomly, he changes his mind. His sorrows, depression... disappear, magically. And, he again gets up early in the morning and walks out because he is aimless. He wants to do things but doesn't know what or how to do... just wanders around the streets like stray animals and stares, desperately, at people who do not give a damn!
They don't care because, he is aimless. Valueless.

A place. That place.

“ Whose house is it? " I asked pointing that magnificent mansion.
         “ How do i know? " My friend paid no attention and kept walking.

The sky grew darker, darker as the dusk approached. The air was soft and quite refreshing. Streets were empty except for two dogs wandering around with their tongues out.

I stared at that house. It looked old, yet beautiful... like the ones you see in the 90s' cinemas. I wondered who owned that house and how he lived there and why.
But that house was a beautiful one, I must say, with a huge gate, a nice garage and an old-fashioned door leading inside. It was half- open.

There was a stillness in the environment which was almost breathtaking. Something about this house attracted me so much. I wanted to see it, to see the people who lived there.

Suddenly, i could hear the opening of one of the windows of that house. I looked up. Standing at it, was a lady with extremely long hair. She was almost a silhouette in that pale light.
  I could sense her uneasiness as she caught me peeping inside her house and that was very embarrassing for me. I shifted my gaze somewhere else and pretended as if i was searching for someone.

“ You nonsense girl! Have you lost your mind ? ” Shouting like brainless freaks, was my friend who was standing beside his car.

A house which looked like that of classic era must have sheltered extremely noble people in it. And my friend behaving like wild animals just added up to my embarrassment.

 “ I haven't lost anything. ” I said. “ See this house. Wonderful !! I just find some sort of connection between me and this place. ”
     That lady was still looking at us..

“ Really. Why not? Your ghost is going to haunt that house in the future years.” He was very annoyed.

 “ dude..? Come on. Why are you so irritated? ” I asked.

“ Timelessness, girl. We have to reach home before seven and there a long way to go. ” He said this and dragged me into his car.

And I... I had to leave all my curiosity there. I had to make my strong force and attraction, die.
       That house had something special in it. And i wanted to discover that. My gut feelings wanted to.

At times, it is very natural to fall in love with someone or something at an instant. And then we want to know so much about them.

 However, i was moving away... from that place, without knowing anything, just because my friend had no time, leaving all my satisfaction, the feeling of belongingness, there... to die with time. Which my friend would never understand. Nobody ever would...

Blame

She woke up in the morning. It was raining. One another day in her life… a day same as yesterday, full of hopes, a fear of being isolated from the whole world, a desperation to get back to the past where she came from.

Magna walked up to the window and looked through it. It was all hazy. The darkness of the clouds had hidden the soft shimmer of the morning sun. She wondered if it was the situation of her life… darkness everywhere… darkness reducing and then, vanishing… as slowly after the rain, the weather becomes sunny again.

She wished she could get the same respect, love, once again but she also feared that she would be leading the same life, full of shame, sorrows, despondency… forever, for a crime she had not committed.

Days were unforgettable, dreadful. Three men. One girl. And she got raped. Since then, she had not been able to live a single moment of happiness. At first, she’d been tortured and after that… after that she had to face a world where victims are considered wrong and not the criminals, a world where rape is not the fault of rapists but the girl who gets raped… a place where rape victims are thought be a sign of ‘impurity’.

Magna could not bear it, anymore. She could not hear people talking nonsense about her, her clothes, that night and particularly, her character. Her so-called friends had already started avoiding her just because their parents wanted them to stay away of a ‘characterless, impure’ girl. Nobody was ready to help, people made faces seeing her. Magna, forcibly, had to accept this dark truth of her life. Was it her fault? Was, actually, Magna, to be blamed?

With each day, Magna found herself more isolated, more insecure than before. She could not think of any possible way. She was trapped in a cage and there was no escape. She was unnecessarily being dragged to a situation, which she did not belong to. However, Hopes were still there.

Magna stared out of the window, at the haziness outside. She wanted it to disappear. She wanted a bright beginning, without dishonor. She wanted people to trust her for something she has not done.

Now, it was up to the destiny. Where at one side, things could have been better, bestowing a happy life upon Magna, the other side was still immersed in brutality, pain, disrespect, hatred and immense sorrow. It was a trap, which would bind Magna into itself and would inject her with daily doses of hopelessness, torture and a thing even worse than death…

Messenger

The time of my birth was not ordinary but, of a great importance.

 I came here not be a mystery but… history.

 The world dances at my feet. I shower love and joy.

And this is the way them I treat.

 My eyes are not just for vision.

They are a visionary.

Look into them…

They’ll show you the right path.

 Be nice to me.

 I’ll be the nicest one to you.

I’ll clear all your obstacles.Make your sorrows vanish.

And will bless you with love as much as possible.

 Believe in me… as this earth does

 I am not the lord almighty… just one of his children

You all are his children, like me

 But I, I am the messenger of love and kindness. 

So, you love me? I love you too. Hate me? It is ok. I still like you.

Want to hurt me?Remember, I can hurt you back.

However, I won’t because… I am not like you.

I am I. I am everything…    

You+Me = Wonderful We.

This was the day when I smiled at you for the first time and this was the day you smiled back… 

Since that day, there’s something going between us. We both are bound together in a strong bond of happiness, love and a very sweet friendship. And I am pretty sure that this friendship will never come to an end. It has been complete three years. Wait, No. Two and a half years… that we are together. I feel so blessed to have someone like you. I, even, want to thank your parents who brought you into this world… only for me.

Whenever I needed you, you were always there. I made mistakes. You corrected them. I felt low. You hugged me. I laughed… you also laughed. In every aspect of life, you were there with me.  I have many friends… but no one is like you ..because they are just ‘happy-time’ friends but you… you are actually a friend.

I love you. I love you so much. In fact, I would say that you are the best. You are the most awesome, sweetest, cutest and loveliest person I have ever met. You… whenever I say something to you or describe you, I always feel the scarcity of words. Thesaurus becomes useless and… and… there’s nothing more I can say.

Your birthday is about to come. You are growing up. Getting smarter… yea. I can see that. I don’t know why am I writing such crazy things. I can’t help it, you know. Its like *feelings overflowing* I thought about posting this on your birthday but I can’t control my emotions.

So, here I finish it off, saying that having someone like you is a fortune. I want you to be with me, to inspire me and to love me always for whatever I do.

I, Ares, the lord of war

I, Ares, the god of war and destruction,
 keep my feet on this ground changing it into a battlefield
 to witness the fierce war between these brainless humans,
 I smile at a corner of my lip seeing the blood dribbling from the sky,
 the raging inferno passionately converting everything into ashes.
 I can’t resist. For me, the war is beautiful scenery, destruction is peace and death is love.

As I pass by, countless no. of bodies fall on the ground.
 The field now looks like a blood lake,
 where the body parts are the fishes and the bones… boats. 
The dreadful sounds of the warriors falling to death, is like a pleasant music to me.
 I hear it and it soothes my soul.

How foolish these men are to fight among themselves.
 Is this war going to help them by any means? No.
 But, they are doing it… only for my happiness… without recalling that I… am their death.

I dance at the rhythmic wailing of the mothers.
 I make them feel distressed, devastated. 
All this is so amazing. I never want it to stop. 
Their foolishness is like a precious gift to me and in return,
 I end up tearing their souls apart.

As long as the war is here, I am here. 
Without it, I am nothing… but just a valueless power.
 Witnessing the war is the most beautiful part of my life.
 But, the saddest thing is…
 the war doesn’t remain forever… 
at a point of time it ends. And as it ends… 
my part gets over.

An urge to destroy you

‘‘I stepped here not to get inspired of others but to be an inspiration. I came here not to appreciate you for your success but to see you failing when I am the winner and you… are the loser. There’s only one winner: me… and there’s nobody who can be better.’’ This is what my mind teaches me and this is how it works.

Being practical about things is very important. You come to the world not to see its beauty but to be a beauty here. Emotions always do not help. You cannot be good every time. You have to be strong, strong enough to destroy others who come in your path of success whether they are good or bad. Success comes by two thing- Hard work and elimination. Often it is said that hard work is the path of the good and elimination is of the devil. But who is good today? Nobody. You have to think about it, people.

People like me prefer to make targets… as a lion does. ‘He… is next to be destroyed’, is the motto. Here I am not supporting any kind of devilish act. Destroying somebody, from my point of view, is doing something extremely brilliant, which leaves them in a state of complete jealousy and depression. Jealousy is a human emotion. It comes to everybody. It’s just that… its utilization is very important. For me, the first thing to do is being jealous. Because… if you are jealous of somebody, you definitely try to prove yourself better than him or her. You think excellently. You prepare well. That is when the zeal comes. ‘If he can do it, then I can definitely do it.’ Then what. A little bit of strategy is required and things will happen automatically. In my case, this method always works. Therefore, here I proved that jealousy can be helpful and this is a sign of me being a good human, taking good out of everything. J

People may call me a devil or an egoistic person or anything but at a point of time, they will agree to what I say. Even if I stand nowhere, I know what I am doing is going to give me enough. I know that there are people who support me, love me. However, they don’t show it. The reason being- ‘their ego’. I am not inspiring you to be jealous. Jealousy is bad, people. Remember this.

 I just direct you to be an opportunist who rules the world…

P.S.- not to be taken seriously, guys. It was just an article.

Nothingness

Where one side I can see the sun rising, the other side my drowning hopes are eating me up. Everything has become hazy. I can’t see where my life is taking me to. I feel like being killed and I am actually finished. The only reason for which I was living is finished and I can’t see anything to bring it back to life. I don’t know what my destiny is doing with me. I don’t know for what reason the revenge is being taken out of me. I don’t know why on the earth the bad things only target me. Maybe I am not so knowledgeable enough to understand the truth or maybe these things do not have any answers at all.

I spent complete 6 years lamenting, craving, dying, shedding million drops of tears each day. But is there anybody who has the answers of my tears? Is there anybody who would come and say, “get up champ! Life has got something better for you”? No. Nobody is there. And even if some people know the answer, they don’t bother to come and tell. And why should they come? They are busy doing good to others na… they don’t care whether I am shedding tears or smiling. They don’t care if something good is actually happening to me or not. They are just busy doing good to others, making them smile, not harming their level of comfort. But what about me? Am I not a part of this world? Perhaps no. life has chosen me to suffer all the pain, all sorts of tortures.

At times, I wonder if I actually have something, which I should be proud of. But as far as I know, there’s nothing I possess. Seriously nothing.

I spent many years praying, writing letters, sharing my emotions to that invisible power, hoping that someday… someday I’ll achieve my dreams. But now after I got to know the present situation, I can assure you that the invisible power doesn’t listen to everybody. There are just a few selected people to whom he listens. And that list perhaps doesn’t change for the people like me.

Now, I am here… separated from the whole world, seeing my dreams shattered, my ambitions murdered along with me. Yet I cannot do anything but just see.

Golden Sorrows

Kind of a current passed within… I opened my eyes. It was the beginning of one another day in my life.
 I looked around my room. Everything was same… just as before. The chairs, my teddies, the music band posters, my bed, the curtains… nothing had changed. The same air touched me once again. Things were so similar, but still, I felt that something had changed. Life was not as correct as it used to be. I felt incomplete..despondency curled around like a strong force. I was trying hard to escape that eerie feeling but being incapable of doing so, at that time, all I could do was to stare here and there. Maybe that was the state of my mind, it might have happened that everything was actually the same for the whole world but for me this similarity did not matter?

I walked towards the window and looked through it. The garden was covered with light-brown autumn leaves. Half of them were turning golden in the radiance of sunlight.. 
The world probably must be enjoying the shimmering autumn being transformed into hazy winter by the slow process of seasoning but my emotions were exactly the opposite. The golden leaves were tearing my soul apart. That was the time when it had all started and that was the time when everything was finished…

I remembered the time when we were sitting in the garden, he made an autumn leaf touch my cheeks. The touch of the golden edge soothed my soul, which now pricked me every time I saw it. Just a year before the tragedy, everything was so good, the air around was full of life. But now, the same air was committed to loneliness and this loneliness was consuming me into itself.

It was the mid of October, the perfect autumn, when I had heard the terrible news of his death. After that whenever I walked up to his grave, I saw golden leaves lying there… and they gave me a memory of how much he enjoyed being embraced by autumn and how much I enjoyed being with him. The drops of tears which fell from my eyes, fell with the memories of the beautiful past, I had.

So, I was looking outside the window. A leaf fell on the ground. It gave me a fresh memory of the smiles we shared, the things we enjoyed and the three most beautiful words we had said to each other. This is the only reason why I felt (still feel) averted towards the golden glow of the autumn leaves. These were like a proof of our love.  and every time I saw them, they made me recall the most precious thing I had lost.

Really not wanting to hurt myself anymore, i closed the window. But as long as the autumn leaves were there in my garden, I was helpless. The color of the golden leaves mixed up with the golden tears of mine…

Virtually friends...

“If I have a friend, I have everything I need, I want and I expect…”

It was someday, (I don’t remember the date, but it was just ‘someday’) when I lost all my hopes from the real world of mine and entered into the virtual one, expecting to meet somebody who could easily understand my emotions, my thoughts and could be my friend. And… to my surprise… as soon as I entered, I met you. And this changed my mentality of considering virtual world as the world of betrayal and unreality. Really. There I met somebody who was almost 75% similar to me, who understands all my ‘sayings’ and thoughts and even supports me. And I am so happy about that. Ever since I started chatting with you, I knew that there is going to be some kind of strong friendship between us. I have many friends but you are someone special to me. You are the one with whom I can share everything without hesitation. You are the one with whom I have shared even things, which I, actually, have not shared with anybody else until now. Well, I feel that you are complete, perfect… as a friend.

At times, I feel strange regarding the fact that we have shared so many things between us without even seeing or talking to each other. People, usually, do not believe in the internet- based friendship. Even I used to be one of them. But now, my preconception about this has changed and I am glad to have someone like you as my friend, as my very good friend. I am, really, very scared to lose you, friend. You are somebody whom I got to meet after ages…

I like your sense of humor, your seriousness regarding some…umm… important things in life, and especially your attitude. I am just waiting for the day to come when our virtual friendship would turn into a real one and then even I would be boasting that I have a friend who is really a friend.

I don’t know why I am writing it. I could have messaged all this to you. But, I don’t know, something made me post it. And I posted it. However, I am, really, sorry for making our conversation public by posting it. But I know you would forgive me. Because for you I am not just a friend… I am a lot more. Isn’t it ? But still, our relationship remains the relationship between two friends.

Umm… so now I don't have much to say. At last, I would just say that you are the most beautiful flower in my garden of friendship… remain the same forever. I will always be there with you, friend. And I request you to, please, be there with me, always. I love you so much, friend. I love you.

Yours

You know who I am :P

Counting the stars which shine

NOTE: for those who've already read the book,
I have not copied the text, its just that I've figured out the story in some different way adding on my own thoughts and feelings...

Wind was blowing in the desert. The weather, which touched them, had a terrible coldness in it. Abdullah took out a red shawl with floral prints on it and wrapped it around his body. He was shivering. His face looked down and his eyes were all watery. He couldn’t think of anything else. All his thoughts were moved to the incident, which took place in the morning. He regretted that he kept quiet at that time. He walked thoughtlessly…

His father was walking behind him with Moohri, the camel. He could notice the tiredness, the deep despair in his son. He called him, “Abdullah… Abdullah… why don’t we spend our night here and take some rest. There are miles to go. It will take us two complete days to reach our house. Let’s stay here. We have blankets. I’ll light up the fire.”

Abdullah looked back but said nothing. He sat on the sand with his legs crossed. His father took out some twigs etc. and lit the fire. Then he took out a blanket and gave it to Abdullah. Abdullah took it and wrapped it around his body. He could feel the warmth of the blanket. It felt good.  “The fire will help you, my son”, said his father.

Abdullah looked at the fire. He could see Pari in those yellow flames. He could see Pari smiling, dancing,  giggling… All those nostalgic thoughts came over. The first time they had fought, the first time Pari cried, how they used to listen to stories together from their baba, how they used to help their mother, the village fair they enjoyed, the lessons they had learnt, everything seemed very beautiful at that time. But then suddenly he realized that… the beauty was gone… it was lost… lost in the crowd of the cities, the noise of the vehicles and the silence of the desert. It felt as if somebody had taken away his life. Pari was gone. His sister, his only sister was gone. Now nobody was there to make Abdullah smile, to make him run after her. Tears came out of his eyes. He thought of Pari, how she would survive there, in the house of those rich people. Would she ever be able to forget her past and enjoy her present? No. the answer was simple. She would not. Abdullah, her brother was everything to her. She could not live without him. Merciless people they were who took out the heart of a boy, destroyed the sweet relationship of a brother and sister, took away Pari’s family from her. Pari’s sweet voice curled around Abdullah. He could hear Pari calling him, “abollah… abollah…” the pain was unbearable, disastrous. Abdullah couldn’t control himself. But what could have been done? Pari, now, didn’t belong to him anymore. She was somebody else’s daughter with some different identity. Abdullah felt helpless. He would never see her again, he thought. He lied down on the sand and stared at the sky. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t stop thinking about Pari, who wasn’t Pari anymore. He couldn’t bring her back. He couldn’t even talk to her now. And all he could do was… to count the stars above which were shining at that time…